I felt it pierce my heart
Icicle cold and sharp, winter's dagger
It held over our heads for so long and I knew...
I knew somehow. It was no surprise.

And there came the RAGE like a hurricane that swelled to fill
try to fill
the hole that had been left in my chest when She
when She

There came the RAGE and but storms must pass
and in its wake, despair
like ocean's flooded tide
rose to claim me

And I chased Her into darkness
I took a step and fell and fell
I wished to see Her again and perhaps in Death
perhaps in Death I could.

But in the darkness there is no 'Now' only 'then'
there is no being, only 'has been'.
Memories rise unbidden and I relived them.

I chased Her into darkness
I took a step and fell and fell
into unbeing, into memories that rise unbidden
Times gone, good and bad. And all I am became all I was
with the knowledge that I would never be again

Was this Death then? The hereafter?
This drifting not-being.
Memories and nothing else?

Or merely a glimpse.

Or not at all where I was trying to reach
but somewhere else entirely.

But then, I found myself caught.
Memories rise unbidden and faces once held dear
I missed them.

I found myself caught
in silver threads.
Caught in Her web.

Even as I tried to chase Her
She stopped me.
In Her gentle way, took me back
to walk amongst the living once more.

I thought Her final lesson taught.
But it seems
that I am still learning

Penned by my hand on the 9th of Lupar, in the year 645 AF.