Dirt and Leaves

PUBLIC NEWS #3503
Date: 3/4/2014 at 7:16
From: Sai Ahkan Dios, Ultimatum of Sukhder
To : Everyone
Subj: Dirt and Leaves

I'm lazy and will be using the fat woodling as my scribe. May the gods have mercy.

Dirt. Did you get that? You can't write dirt. I didn't even say dirt. Stop writing. You have to write, "Rebel scum." Why aren't you writing? You can start writing now. Write, "rebel scum."
Leaves.

Close enough. You don't have to write everything I say. You're doing it anyways aren't you? Fine.

Leaves.

I've heard this story before, it was over sweet. Too much sugar, not enough substance. A deranged cupcake fell out of sorts with the city of cookies because she had fallen in love with a macademian nut. It was a wild and passionate summer as the yeast rose and fell. But, this tryst was not meant to be. The chocolate chip king cursed the cupcake for tainting one of his delicious minions and cast her out into the cold. She vanished for a time, more than likely not in a well stocked ice box. From the great maw of the neverever there was another cupcake, a foreign cupcake who stalked the sparkly man who brings me brownies. Food should not blink unless glitter. This cupcake was not glitter.For years this space-cupcake stalked the sparkly man and the angry woman with moss for hair. Troubling times these were. Much terror was seen in the black-white cupcake of terror. I've not seen the blink cupcake in some time. I believe my liege, the mountain, ate her to save the sparkly man who bakes. It seems now that we find ourselves within another confectionary crisis. The cupcake has returned from her time in the icebox and has once again given her soul to an incompatible confection. Someone should inform her that cupcakes go with cupcakes and kaweh balls go with kaweh balls. It also seems to me that a cupcake that has been unable to live in the warming pan with other confections for longer than ten years is not a confection worthy of leading a culinary rebellion. We must all have pity on the cupcake and hope that some day she shall find the cupcake with his merry candle with which to quench her lonely, candied heart. Until such a time as this fantastic dessert occurs, it is enough to give one indigestion.

Deranged cupcake. It's not you're fault you're rotten. No one ate you. I know it's sad when nobody wants you. You have to do what's right for you. What's right for the world. Sometimes, the bad ones have to go in the humgii. If that doesn't work for you, I have a brother who sets things on fire.

Stop. What are you writing? By the ravenous gods, you have a problem. Damnit, give me the quill. Stop. Don't you bite me you little jerk.

Oh..I don't have words. Close enough.

-A. Dios.

Penned by my hand on the 3rd of Halitus, in the year 41 AM.