Online Role Playing MUDs: Four Ways to Get Pwned By A Text God
By Chris J. Johnston
In most text games out there, the admins and coders take on an in-character persona so as to better interact and monitor their game and its players. In the Iron Realms games, like many text games, they take on the role of Gods. Regardless of what type of God they are, they all possess one very unique ability; the ability to kill you instantly in fun and varied ways. This can range from the simple lightning bolt of death to something as strange and interesting as being forcibly impregnated by a gargantuan kraken named "Fluffy".
Yes, there are multitudes of ways to get rocked by any of the Gods, but what do you have to DO to stand smack in the middle of the tracks with a Divine Pain Train barreling towards you? Here's four tried and true methods.
Be An Idiot
There is nothing more infuriating than quintessential stupidity prancing about right in front of you. Fortunately for a God, they have the means to quickly rid themselves of such atrocities. So put on your stupid hat and do your best to piss anything and everything off, invoking the names of the Gods just in case they're listening. Excessive use of the 'lick' and 'giggle' emotes will speed the process along, as will setting anything customizable about you to something ridiculous. The world should know that you are actually a human with wings and a tail and external kidneys instead of an elf. With enough lucky and stupidity, anything and everything will hate you and it will be sooner than later that a God will show up and do their best to end your offensive existence.
Disagree With Them
Surely you have felt the urge to smack someone around for having the wrong opinion, but perhaps you weren't able to act on such a desire because for some reason that is frowned upon. Well, when your opinion is widely accepted as infallible and you have the power to own anyone who says otherwise, why not just own anyone who says otherwise? Do you want to be a text God yet? So obviously a good way to get a God's attention is to oppose them in any and every way possible. Kill their servants, defile their shrines, hate upon them publicly and extremely loudly-anything you can. If the God is around at all, you are likely to receive at minimum a roll of the eyes and a lightning bolt to the face.
KILL THE NEWBIES (don't do it. srsly)
This one is pretty stupid. Only attempt this one if you plan to not exist in the game for a while. A long while. Forever. Newbies are good for the game and by the Gods if you mess with them, the Gods are going to mess with you. You might get a pretty neat death or three thousand, but you're not coming back. Better copy and paste those cool messages quick!
Do/Say Things At the Wrong Time
There's a time and a place for things to be said. In a text game where your target audience can be changed with just a single letter in a command, be extra careful about what you say. Seeing as how you're TRYING to die though, do exactly the opposite. Say your crude and painfully out of character thoughts in public in-character places. The City of Light and All That Is Good needs to know exactly HOW drunk you got last Saturday. Similar to this, perhaps during the middle of a worldwide event in which several Gods are in attendance is a good time to perform your practical jokes or attempt to kill that guy you don't like. I'm sure everyone will enjoy the interruption of serious roleplay.
With these techniques and any luck (probably bad), you will find yourself getting owned by the Gods in no time!