Online Text Games: Cooties or Controllers? - Why Text Games Are Better Than Girls
By Seth R. Cooke
Decisions, decisions. Just as your team prepares to raid the lair of your sworn enemies, those who have plagued you for eons, you are startled from your frantic typing by a buzz. Your girlfriend (you vaguely remember her name is "Nancy"... or was it "Beth"?) is texting you, wondering why you haven't spoken to her in a week and demanding a face-to-face meeting.
Ordinarily, this would be a crisis. Do you choose your game, or your girlfriend? But never fear! Your choice will soon be made easy as the perks to picking your text-game over your girlfriend are made clear.
Unlike a text-game, a girlfriend will require, or perhaps even demand, time and energy. Sweet instant messages, some face-to-face meeting every once in awhile, and some sort of 'interaction' will be required of you on a regular basis. A text game requires none of these - indeed you will find that serenading your MUD is never required, even once! There is no competition either, for your text game will never look jealously at another player, demand that you act like you love them somehow, or wonder aloud where the spark has gone. Unlike women, your game will always accept you for who you are!
In fact, one of the many benefits of a text game is that they do not require much in the way of maintenance at all. You don't have to wine and dine a MUD; it will still be there for you even if you don't spend a dime on it. There is also no social codes or expectations, so live life up! There's no unneeded financial strain, no birthdays to remember and no fancy restaurants to dress up for. Just you and the game.
Should your game somehow grow old or boring, fear not! It will never look over your shoulder, or grow jealous of you seeing another MUD. A girlfriend may grow older or begin to grate on your nerves, leaving you trapped in a relationship you no longer enjoy. However, your game will never reach that level of dependency. You are free to see other games whenever you wish, with no fear of a jealous game awaiting when you return home.
In a similar vein, no matter what you do, your game will never leave you for another. It is a sad fact of life that, despite your obvious perfections and charm, some women will decide you are somehow 'insufficient' and leave to seek someone else. Despite proving your dominance and skill by crushing them in a game, or allowing them to observe your technique for hours on end, women are fickle creatures. Not so with a game! It is perfectly accepting of who you are, and it will always be there waiting for you. Not only do you not have to worry about being trapped, you know it will always be there for you! And that is the kind of security that no amount of money can buy.
As a warning, however, the 'father' of your text game might be watching you closely throughout your gaming experience, eager to protect his daughter from you. Oh, but wait! Because text games are not born biologically, they have no fathers or mothers, simply coders. While your girlfriend's father might resent your presence around his precious angel, the makers of a game will always encourage you to remain. While your girlfriend's father might insist you be a respectable gentleman, or her mother demand that you stop rolling your eyes at her (or worse, that you wear decent clothes!), the game and its creators will accept you as you are, no strings attached.
The advantages of a text game are painfully clear; the lack of effort required paired with the constant level of attention that you will receive from your game make it the most logical choice. Beyond that, the emotional security of knowing that your game will not leave you (it is, in fact, unable to leave you!) will help you sleep better at night, and not having to worry about impressing any parents means that you have the freedom to live exactly as you choose.
If you think you'd enjoy some of the most engaging roleplay and fierce PvP out there more than pina coladas and getting caught in the rain, check out these text-based RPGs today!
Seth R. Cooke is a text game enthusiast and currently plays games from http://www.IronRealms.com.
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