Role Playing MUDs: So, You Want To Be Mhaldorian

Role Playing Games Portal

By Ryan Kalmoe

For one reason or another, you've decided to create a Mhaldorian character in Achaea. Good for you! For over 200 in-game years, Mhaldor has been imposing its agenda of Evil on Sapience, and it's great that you want to be a tool of that Evil. There are a few things you ought to do as part of your integration into Mhaldorian society, and this guide will help you accomplish all of them.

First and foremost, you need an evil-sounding name. Take great care in picking out a name, as it is yours for the rest of your life (unless, of course, you pick so horribly that you're forced by the administration to pick again. Then it's only yours for about twenty minutes!). Try to avoid names that suggest you do horrible things all the time, like 'Axmurderer'. Mhaldorians are evil, not psychopathic, and are usually more subtle than to have such blatant names.

Once you have your name selected and you complete the Trial of Rebirth, the first thing you must do is become enemied to Shallam. Shallam is the sworn enemy of Mhaldor, and it is imperative that you hurt, harass, and otherwise demean all things Shallamese at every opportunity. To get enemied to Shallam, it's best to wander into their city, find a homeless child and punch it in the face. Continue punching it in the face until you are enemied, and then leave the city.

Next you'll need to defile a shrine of the Te'Serra. You probably have the corpse of a homeless child in your inventory from the face-punching, and this can be used to defile said shrine. If you don't know who the Te'Serra are, that's quite alright. Pick any of their shrines, really, and defile it. The important thing is that you defile, because that's what Mhaldorians do. Report to Vellis in Minia once this task is complete.

Don't bother greeting Vellis in Minia; he'll only offer you a butterfly net. You may be asking yourself, "Don't I want this butterfly net?" No. You do not. Mhaldor gave you two fists for a reason. Fists are made for punching, and as a Mhaldorian, you must punch defenseless things in the face. Within close proximity of Vellis, you will find butterflies, which are great punching practice. They flit about and are difficult to punch, plus, they are beautiful representations of Creation and must therefore be strengthened through physical hardship just like everything else.

Continue to punch defenseless things until you hear a raid being organized over the city channel. Report to the Raid Leader and follow them, but don't talk. As a new Mhaldorian, you have very limited usefulness to the raid itself. You are encouraged to put away your fists, as punching Shallamese capable of defending themselves is not recommended. You can, however, snap your fingers repeatedly in front of the raid defenders. This will disorient and annoy them sufficiently for the other members of the raid to pummel them. This will not generate cause, and anyone who attacks you can be hired upon. Take accurate notes during the raid, as Mhaldorians take cause very seriously and would never attack or hire on anyone without cause.

After a long day of punching things and snapping raid defenders, you're probably wondering what Mhaldorians do for recreation. The answer is to participate in exterminations. Playing with fire near copses of dead trees and draught-stricken prairie is also an acceptable recreational activity. You, too, can participate by finding someone to set you on fire and then running around in the various forests and grasslands. Make sure you take time to roll around on the ground in each room to make sure the maximum number of embers and flaming tidbits of your flesh and clothing remain in the room to ignite the plant matter there. Make sure you dive into a lake or river as you near death, as being on fire will gradually drain your health.

So there you have it. Now you are fully equipped to start adventuring as an evil Mhaldorian. If you've hesitated at one of the earlier steps, don't, just dive right in! You'll never know how much fun punching children, annoying your fellow adventurers, and aimlessly burning forests can be! After you graduate from these activities, there are plenty of other things to do, and the best way to find out would be to ask your fellow Mhaldorians.

I hope this guide has been helpful to you, and I look forward to seeing you at Stygian!

Get your inner villain on by creating a Mhaldorian character in Achaea, Dreams of Divine Lands, or another top quality role playing MUD.

Ryan Kalmoe is a text game enthusiast and currently plays games from


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Amazingly written. Got a lot of laughs, too

I concur. Very entertaining, if obviously not completely factual!



Pretttaaay funny!


Awesome work.

This is exactly what I did when I made my first Mhaldorian character. I thought I was being original :(

brings back memories.

Having played as a Mhaldorian for ages, this gave me a good laugh. Good job :P

Seems like Achaea is becoming more and more a HaHa text comic strip  and less and less an amazing interactive story of Legends and Dreams of the Divine Lands that I intended to play when I created my character.

This is just a personal observation, not meant as a criticism, there is nothing inherently wrong with comic strips if that is what the players and producers want.


on a lot of interesting events then. I mean, even the latest Xorani event is definitely not a joking matter. 

Plus one to that... the sheddings scales at the most inopportune moments is not pleasent.. I mean, how's a lizard meant to get lady lizard action if his scales keep flaking off?

Pretty good read!

Was Infernal, and it was pretty awesome when Mhaldor came out

very good, actually. kind of applies to bloodloch.



I hate to say it, but that was hilarious.

bit of truth under the obvious humor.

I was laughing throughout the entire read. That was truly well written.

This article reminded me instantly of this video:  (which, for language reasons, is not entirely SFW.)

= Awesome!


Punch them all.

Zith is part of Stavenn even though Stavenn lost a great bit of respect on the "evil" Empire as of lately.

Hard to be evil when there is no one there. Everyone scary left for Antioch!

That's how it roll when there are so many flavors of the month ^^

What if you threw a party to take over the world and no one showed up?

you should rage against the machine of this "evil" empire.



This was hilarious and almost makes me want to go set some things on fire. If only I weren't a goody-two-shoes.


Hmm... maybe it's time for a change of heart.

To start putting things on FIRE!!! (ig!)

Clearly I should've tried Mhaldor when I dabbled with Achaea.

Keen observations!

Brilliant! I dread to think how many people actually do this.



Haha, this made me chuckle.

gold stuff

too funny

That was awesome. I so want to make a new character and do that.

My very first character was Mhaldorian, before Mhaldor was even built. This humorous article sheds light on how most people think Evil should be roleplayed. :)

That was funny but I really don't like Mhaldor. I had rather think about catching butterflies than hurting children.


A Mhaldor'whatian?



This still makes me laugh every time! Great job.

Great take on everyday occurrences. I can imagine true newbie Mhaldorians with a similar thought process when fearing to ask what to do! Good laugh, very fun.

they seem so much less evil now


It's the new maximum limit of three tortured kittens per month that make it seems that way.

Fantastic article! Definitely made me laugh, and one of the few articles I've bothered to read all the way through.

I should try reading articles all the way through, too...



This is my go-to article when I need a really good laugh

Loved the article.

What is Mhaldor

What is Hashan

My bad


Rather amusing. I had a Naga for a few months, but like most other alts they remained secondary to my main who took up too much of my time.

I laughed so hard...

Poor Mhaldor :<



Oh god my sides

Well, that was pretty straigthforward. I wonder if it was written by a Mhaldorian, or the other side...