Role Playing MUDs: So, You Want To Be Mhaldorian

By Ryan Kalmoe

For one reason or another, you've decided to create a Mhaldorian character in Achaea. Good for you! For over 200 in-game years, Mhaldor has been imposing its agenda of Evil on Sapience, and it's great that you want to be a tool of that Evil. There are a few things you ought to do as part of your integration into Mhaldorian society, and this guide will help you accomplish all of them.

First and foremost, you need an evil-sounding name. Take great care in picking out a name, as it is yours for the rest of your life (unless, of course, you pick so horribly that you're forced by the administration to pick again. Then it's only yours for about twenty minutes!). Try to avoid names that suggest you do horrible things all the time, like 'Axmurderer'. Mhaldorians are evil, not psychopathic, and are usually more subtle than to have such blatant names.

Once you have your name selected and you complete the Trial of Rebirth, the first thing you must do is become enemied to Shallam. Shallam is the sworn enemy of Mhaldor, and it is imperative that you hurt, harass, and otherwise demean all things Shallamese at every opportunity. To get enemied to Shallam, it's best to wander into their city, find a homeless child and punch it in the face. Continue punching it in the face until you are enemied, and then leave the city.

Next you'll need to defile a shrine of the Te'Serra. You probably have the corpse of a homeless child in your inventory from the face-punching, and this can be used to defile said shrine. If you don't know who the Te'Serra are, that's quite alright. Pick any of their shrines, really, and defile it. The important thing is that you defile, because that's what Mhaldorians do. Report to Vellis in Minia once this task is complete.

Don't bother greeting Vellis in Minia; he'll only offer you a butterfly net. You may be asking yourself, "Don't I want this butterfly net?" No. You do not. Mhaldor gave you two fists for a reason. Fists are made for punching, and as a Mhaldorian, you must punch defenseless things in the face. Within close proximity of Vellis, you will find butterflies, which are great punching practice. They flit about and are difficult to punch, plus, they are beautiful representations of Creation and must therefore be strengthened through physical hardship just like everything else.

Continue to punch defenseless things until you hear a raid being organized over the city channel. Report to the Raid Leader and follow them, but don't talk. As a new Mhaldorian, you have very limited usefulness to the raid itself. You are encouraged to put away your fists, as punching Shallamese capable of defending themselves is not recommended. You can, however, snap your fingers repeatedly in front of the raid defenders. This will disorient and annoy them sufficiently for the other members of the raid to pummel them. This will not generate cause, and anyone who attacks you can be hired upon. Take accurate notes during the raid, as Mhaldorians take cause very seriously and would never attack or hire on anyone without cause.

After a long day of punching things and snapping raid defenders, you're probably wondering what Mhaldorians do for recreation. The answer is to participate in exterminations. Playing with fire near copses of dead trees and draught-stricken prairie is also an acceptable recreational activity. You, too, can participate by finding someone to set you on fire and then running around in the various forests and grasslands. Make sure you take time to roll around on the ground in each room to make sure the maximum number of embers and flaming tidbits of your flesh and clothing remain in the room to ignite the plant matter there. Make sure you dive into a lake or river as you near death, as being on fire will gradually drain your health.

So there you have it. Now you are fully equipped to start adventuring as an evil Mhaldorian. If you've hesitated at one of the earlier steps, don't, just dive right in! You'll never know how much fun punching children, annoying your fellow adventurers, and aimlessly burning forests can be! After you graduate from these activities, there are plenty of other things to do, and the best way to find out would be to ask your fellow Mhaldorians.

I hope this guide has been helpful to you, and I look forward to seeing you at Stygian!

Get your inner villain on by creating a Mhaldorian character in Achaea, Dreams of Divine Lands, or another top quality role playing MUD.

Ryan Kalmoe is a text game enthusiast and currently plays games from

href="http://www.ironrealms.com">http://www.IronRealms.com.

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