Text Based Games: The Five Best Ways to Piss Off Your Enemy

angry text gamer

By Zhade Barnet

Few things in life are more satisfying than watching your enemies collapse into a quivering pile of defeat, frustration and rage. I say ‘few’ only because I’m sure that there are some things that are more satisfying, I just can’t think of any right now. Text based RPGs are no different, and trust me when I say that truly, madly, deeply pissing off your nemesis in the online text game will likely be the highlight of your character’s career.

Before I go any further, let’s be very clear on one thing: This article is about how your in-game character can piss off her in-game enemies in the text games. It is NOT about griefing (basically ways of YOU pissing off the person behind another computer somewhere). Griefing ain’t cool, despite the fact that there are enough idiots doing it that there are now websites dedicated to the practice (and joke articles on our very own website!), and an estimated 25% of customer service calls to online text game companies concern griefing.

Allow me to illustrate: if you were playing Monopoly on a wet Sunday afternoon it would be totally acceptable for you to piss your ‘enemies’ off by buying one property in each set, or paying all of your rent fees in the smallest possible denominations. It wouldn’t be acceptable for you to flick the houses off of their properties once every 90 seconds.

If you want to learn more about successful griefing then please stop reading right now and accept my heartfelt wish that we never, ever meet in an online text game. For those mature sadists and text adventure games lovers that are still reading, here are my personal favourites:

1 – Fall in love with him

Yep, you read it right. Love him to death. Write him poetry and post it to the in-game news boards. Send him ‘anonymous’ gifts via the in-game mail system. If your text games allows you to alter your character’s description, then why not treat yourself to an elaborate visible tattoo with your enemy’s name on it? Don’t be perturbed if your enemy is the same gender as your character – if he’s narrow-minded enough to let that bother him then he can change sex. If it needs to be said, do NOT cross the IC/OOC line with this because that’s utterly unacceptable, creepy and probably illegal where you live.

2 – Find out what he’s good at

And be better. Is your nemesis the Arena Champion? Then secretly train and train and train until you’re sure you can whoop his ass, then challenge him to a public duel. After you’ve won, thank him very much for the ‘practice’, then publically announce that you are retiring, undefeated, from the world of dueling. Is your arch-enemy a renowned poet? Then write an epic poem listing his shortcomings and ‘accidentally’ leave copies of it lying around everywhere. If you suck at poetry, then save up some gold and commission another bard to write it for you, but make them sign a non-disclosure agreement. Who cares if you ‘cheated’ in the online text game? You got to piss your text games enemy off!

3 – Find out what he’s bad at

And make sure everybody else in the text game knows about it too. You can do this through the news boards, through a satirical performance in which you show all of his failings through caricature, or indeed by giving him a public ass-whooping (be it socially, intellectually or through combat). Once everyone in the online text game knows exactly what your enemy sucks at, continue to offer him ‘lessons’ and keep sending him lots of encouragement, as well as pointing out the flaws in his strategy. One day he won’t suck so much. One day.

4 – The friend of my enemy is my friend

Get real chummy with all of his best buddies in the text adventure games. Nothing will piss your enemy off more thoroughly than hearing all of HIS friends singing your praises and talking about the great time y’all had together in the online text game. When you bump into your enemy at a gathering of all of his friends, look surprised and say ‘What are YOU doing here?’. This one works particularly well, because when your enemy starts getting visibly (and justifiably) pissed off that you’re essentially following him around, HIS friends will start telling him not to be so damned unreasonable.

5 – Be a good sport

Remember, it’s only an online text game. It’s all about give and take, and be- Oh, sorry, wrong article! What I mean is that the final (and most important) weapon in your arsenal is to never give your enemy the satisfaction of pissing YOU off. Believe me, by now he’ll be spending most of his time thinking about you and imagining various fitting punishments for the fact that he hasn’t slept properly in a month. It won’t be long before he starts to devise ways of trying to annoy you in return; heck, he may have even read this article! So be a good sport. Every time he gets the drop on you, thank him profusely for his participation and the enjoyable text games experience. You could even send him little ‘thank you’ notes, politely pointing out that you cannot wait for the next round in the text based rpg game.

There you have it, folks. These are just five ways of making your in-game enemy wish that he was never born, but please be creative! If you find any of this particularly useful for you online text game playing, or indeed have your own techniques for generating rage, then please, please let me know.

Find an arch-nemesis for your own enemy RP in some great online text RPGs.

Zhade Barnet is a text game enthusiast and currently plays games from http://www.IronRealms.com.

Comments

HEH, all of these are pretty good tidbits of advice, but I think I especially like #5... or at least, the phrasing for it. :D

But I don't know whether it's good advice if the goal is to piss people off and create enemies! ;D

I do like point 5 though, don't get too serious.

Agreed, keep it fun for all, but strive to be good at what you do, no matter what it is.

#5

I love thank you notes.

They're cute. :P

So do I

is a vaild form of pvp, especially if you keep point 5 in mind. PvP is just as much about preventing your enemy from satisfying their objective as it is about killing them.

 

But try to be smart about how you do it. Your trying to enjoy the game as well, as they are. Try not to ruin it for them, if they quit who will you have to piss off?

Griefing to the point of causing someone to ragequit is just too much. Also, even low levels of griefing can quickly escalate to a vicious circle of revenge griefing.

Nah

Lolpwning people when there's no challenge is just a cheap way to feel good about yourself and cause needless frustration for others. It's borderline sadistic, if somewhat sanitized - like killing random people in GTA, only these are real people, and that's just not cool. I've personally never killed anyone that I knew I easily could - I wouldn't even see the point to begin with, and I'd feel horrible about screwing with their experience. Much more fun to fight people who are actually a threat.

insofar as it doesn't equate to harassment, yes.

I argue otherwise. Griefing is intentionally ruining someone else's gameplay experience. It's true that certain PVP actions could be used for the purpose of griefing, but there's a huge difference between beating the crap out of a well established rival whenever a good and logical opportunity arises, and just killing someone whenever you see them, for example. (On an unrelated note, I wish nonlethal combat was more prevalent.)

how is nonlethal combat possible?

awesome article. I'm very amused right now. Now if only my enemies were still around.

Do not piss off anybody. Lest of all the author of this article. o.o

Be a complete ass, even in losing, but that pisses off more than just your enemy.

It is very hard to keep separated IC/OOC line, whatever you want to do. I suggest to keep an OOC line on with the "victim", so you both have a way out that can be roleplayed too.  Once I got killed from a guy who I simply attacked during a raid. This happened RT weeks earlier. I even had troubles remembering it.

He waited and assassinated me from behind, no duel no RP whatsoever. Moreover, my stats compared do his were surely ridicoulus. He was right from a legal PK point of view, but that was really poor gaming.

Of course, once stronger, I will duel him for roleplaying reasons, mostly. 

Do not piss off people too much, just RP all the situations. It is a far way better and make the game more worth playing. Anyway, always be a good sport!

Down with petty vengeance and epeen seekers!

that dude is probably a 13-year old.

I think I'll get a new tattoo now!

Train and train and train and train...that seems like a very IC thing I would do! Gots to try this with a certain...someone....

is always good

Gotta love that weird, stilted IRE article writing.

"This is how you piss off your nemesis in your favorite text adventure RPG-game!"

Yea...

Lol

Lol

heh, probably to make sure you piss off the right people

Now I just to go out and make some personal enemies so I can put some of this into action.

^^

I like number one the best.

bleh

#5 FTW.

Also it's very annoying to hear "Yea, I was lucky as usual" after the person killed you for the forth or fifth time. 

I use stuff like this on Mhaldorians quite often. I've done most of these at some point or another. I make passive retribution an art.

Consistent politeness can be a wonderful weapon, thank you notes, tongue-in-cheek pleases and other social niceties go a long way to aggravating your arch enemy. Good article!

mm

There's a balance where the character gets pissed off without the player getting pissed off. And everyone's is different. Be aware, and remember it is a game! Nice article!

funny article

Hmm

Was it a good idea to post this article?

the effects should be felt by now in your specific world, judging by the date of this article

heh

funny article

yea quite amusing,

this article will make anyone who follow it passive-aggressive.

will empower those who are already predisposed towards passive aggression.

 

I don't think so at all.

I've had some very passive-aggressive characters, and know that a lot of those work, though #1 tends to be odd (especially when you stuff a Sar-Sargothian at some human glass cannon fighter). Certainly entertaining, however.

haha

As long as none of this rises to the level of harassment

haha, love it!

I'm really tempted to use these

You forgot to encourage us to crash their weddings!

Anybody want to be my enemy?

 

Really, I have no enemy. I have "enemies" in general, i.e., Celestians are my enemies (and kelpies and Glomdorians), I could pick one random Celestian and do him/her/it the five items but I won't have any answer if he/she/it ask me why I am trying to piss him/her/it off.

 

In fact, I think that one guy tried to do me #1 once, but me being so clueless I didn't even pissed off.

don't have one either. Maybe I'll do these things to myself

worth a shot!

awesome, let us know how it goes

needs to find me a nemesisss

Your friend Wil says, "Don't be a dick."

prance around their protected areas.

That's insidious and I approve.

 

Number 5 is so important, but unfortunately it just never happens online.

Eh?

it does, depends on yourself aswell.

If only I had a few enemies. I'm sure doing any of these things could make me a few, though.

nice read. makes me want to look for enemies

More creative than snubbing.

i did not see anything involving poop. this article fails.

all very cute

I also especially like number 5. I remember one person that I was mad at because they insulted me and my entire beautiful city. Years later I ran into them and they didn't even remember who I was. This caused me to realize that hanging onto that anger had done me more damage than I had ever returned upon them.

Vengance is like drinking poision and thinking it will hurt the other person.

I usually slowlock and then vodun burn! >:] Super annoying!

^

^

It's always a good idea to follow this tip in everything that you do. So even if it makes you want to break your keyboard over your knee, at least pretend to be a good sport or noone will want to play with you any more.

Wist doesn't have any enemies so far... at least that I'm aware of. In Achaea I had enough to make life interesting. I'll have to remember these if things change, heh.

Too bad Nell doesn't have any enemies.  Or if she does, I dunno about them.

People get way too upset with this game. I don't have any personal enemies and care more for the RP, what my character would do. Is an amusing post though.

I wish my character had enemies... this would be soooooo fun. Especially number one, hehe.

...to secretly put some ridiculous clothing in their inventory, then hypno/snap them to wear it.

I like that idea.

lold @ 5

Credit comment.

lol hahaha seriously??

I love this... except when Bluef does it

Send her love notes, Manni.  She's eaten the rest of her prey, I mean mates.  She's probably in the market for a new one!  Guard your head!

I find it amusing sometimes to send them random messages thanking them for the spar/match, sometimes they will get irritated, other times they will say thank you right back, really depends on the person.

an article on how to grief?

Stop fighting back and just cry every time the come into the room. 

On 5. Nothing pisses people off more than when you are still friendly to them.

1. Flirt with his girlfriend.

2. Troll them when you fight them instead of actually fighting back.

3. ????.

4. Profit

funny article

But is five really enough?

There are SO many more ways to be irritating. How did you choose just five?

credit