Greetings Sapience,

I find myself unfortunately in search of a bride-to-be. This is not something I want out of typical instinctive desire to settle down and reproduce, no. Rather, this is something I need out of pure necessity. I am quite asexual, so lets just get that out of the way.

Rather, I require a wife because a man in my position, of great political influence, family affluence, and being quite good-looking, I regularly fend off unwanted advances from the opposite sex. Typically, in the past, I have fended off these advances with the lie that I am attracted to the opposite sex, which worked for a while. However, it appears to have backfired over time, as rumours have spread and now I regularly fend off advances from members of the same sex.

Therefore, to clear up any confusion, I require a "trophy" bride. One that complements the arm of a man such as myself. Ideally, she would possess intellect, beauty, come from fabulous wealth, and have little to no desire in starting a family.

If you are such a woman, or the father of one, I lay my terms out thusly:

In exchange for your/daughter's hand in marriage, I will share 2/10ths of my overall net worth with you/her, including access to my houses, stables, and bank accounts, excluding any located "off-shore" (not on the continent of Sapience).

You/she will accompany me to ballroom dances and political speeches, and other events where your/her accompaniment will boost my public image.

This will be a loveless marriage, and what you/she do/does in your/her free time is of little concern to me. Sleep with the tanned young pool boy from Zanzibaar, drink wine excessively, develop a gleam addiction, I honestly don't care, just keep it out of public eye where it may effect my reputation.

I require no dowry, though mules and goats for my fields are always a welcome "donation".

Thank you for your time, and all serious replies may be forwarded to me by letter.

Aktillum, the Maniacal Despot of the CIJ


Penned by my hand on the 24th of Phaestian, in the year 683 AF.