Many of you have asked me how I manage to stay so deliciously
below average for someone of my age and dragonhood. Well, you are in luck! I have listened to your pained sighs, and have taken note of your over exaggerated eye-rolls, and have decided to divulge my secret. I will fill you in on my set of artefacts that help me to maintain the status quo, and barely survive.

Shackle of Apathy - This shackle, when worn, will keep you in your current location and remove all thoughts of hunting or sparring.

A Pair of Glorious, Invisible Moth Wings - When you utter any of the "athar" phrases, you will not be transported anywhere.

A Ring of Motivation - This ring does not fit, so I don't wear it.

A Bracelet of Demotivation - When worn, you will not be motivated to do anything, literally. This effect stacks with the Shackle of Apathy.

Gauntlets of Negative Damage - When worn, these gauntlets will remove 10% of your damage just before your attack, and add it back between attacks.

Boots of Shuffling - When worn, these boots will drastically slow your walking speed and remove 90% of your motivation to get to your location.

Crown of Self Importance - When worn, you believe that this crown gives you the ability to dictate how others spend their time, be it in politics, combat, or anything else.

Bowl of Rice - When wielded, you are overcome with the desire to eat this rice, at the cost of hunger again within one Achaean day.

A Griddle of The Titans - Makes pancakes of Titan strength, with divine syrup.

Bow of Health - Fires an arrow laced with healing elixir that heals your opponent for the damage that it just inflicted.

A Potion of the Fountain of Oldth - Can be sipped once per Achaean year, on your birthday, to age you one Achaean year. Does not stack with normal time flow.

Armour of Redundancy Armour - When worn, this armour is automatically worn.

Scimitar of Underwhelming Stats - When wielded, you will inflict the preset, forged scimitar damage.

Writ of Deficit - When read, this writ will change your class without giving you the needed amount of lessons to tri-trans.

Spectacles of Speculation - The value of this artefact fluctuates wildly. Can be sold back at a future time, but will never reach the value of what you paid for it.

Helm of Anti-Protection - Covers your head, but does not actually offer any protection or field of vision, either direct or peripheral.

Cape of Mortality - when worn, your health will decrease at a normal rate until such a time as you die or sip health.

Ring of Poor Choices - When worn, you will make choices that hinder your ability to move forward within your class, org, or city.

Shield of Adsorption - When wielded, this shield has a chance to increase the damage you take when attacked.

Gloves of Perceived Invisibility - When worn, you will believe that you are invisible, and act as such to the enjoyment and amusement of those around you.

Hood of Churlishness - When worn, you will be an ass to those closest to you, and also some strangers.

A Puzzle Box of Something Greater - You will never figure this out to open it, and therefore by logic will never become something greater.

Cloak of Meh - When worn, and someone asks you why you are not trans in all of your class skills yet, you will shrug and say "Meh", and walk away.


So there you have it. Now you know the secret to my menial existence on this mortal plane. By all means, continue the sighs and eye rolls, as I do enjoy the interaction with each and every one of you.

Written with the Pen of Sarcasm dipped in the Ink of Bitterness,

Somerled









Penned by my hand on the 21st of Phaestian, in the year 724 AF.