Bwahaha! Pitiful cretins! It is I, Balam! Haven't thought much about ME
lately, have you? Not worth your time to visit old Balam, eh? Well tough
turtles! I've been thinking of all of YOU, and how poorly I've been
treated over the years, and enough is enough! I've released a plague of
my latest enchantments upon you all...the pumpkongs!! These creatures
will be the death of you all, providing of course you don't kill them
too many times first...But! You'll surely receive a great experience in
so doing, so just see if you can stop them! Bwahahahahaha....

Penned by my hand on the 2nd of Haernos, in the year 345 MA.