The Diary of Onion-Sue

Date: 11/18/2013 at 0:55
From: Anonymous
To : Everyone
Subj: The Diary of Onion-Sue

Dzanin - '52
Ya know, I'm over this whole 'you can steal and buy us off, but don't steal from us' stupidity, them constubbles - they ain't no better than the thugs. Aint better paid either, but the haul I got.

Note to self: Aim for the evening ladies - prolly getting all the pay from the guards anyhow.

Wasn't all bad though, I totally got a whollipin' but then this guy came. All grr and eyepatch and swagger -- least Imma imagine it was swagger, I was a bit busy gettin' my face redesigned by some mustached constable lady. She musta been jealous of my fine good looks and all.

Anyhow, so now, Imma lie low here at this gob's place. The swagger-man, my Capt'n Caes, he set me here to heal up so I can come be his new second in command. Well, mebbe that last bit's my plan, but why else save a squirt like me iffin' ya ain't got plans to raise me up to be a hero all Pug-style?

Preferably without all the weird rift crap and slavery. I look way uncute in shackles.

Gotta go Mister Diary, Kissa's got a show in 5!

Dzanin - '52
I'M SO IN! So like, okay, so I was all 'hey Capt'n' - like cool though, cause I'm all smooth and healed up now, and he was there with the gang. Crew? It was like, Kor and Yurii (who, I hear went on this grrr-smash-bust-up after Capt'n Caes saw what those stupidfaces in Krondor did to me!) and this lady Frances, and I was all whoop-slip-Oh what's this, I got the Capt'n's rift-key -- CAUSE I'M THAT GOOD!
Man, the legends about me are gonna be so fierce, people will shout them out in taverns across the lands!

Note to self: befriend a bard. Preferably dwarven.

So then I was all smooth and totally pirate-y and told them about the ship I'd seen on my way in.

Mister Diary, you'll never believe the crazy that happened next! I'm so destined to run Infamous beside the Capt'n -- he made me his Imbl-- Immer...whatever, it's a fancy title and I'm stickin here with the new ship 'cause it's the famous Banapis Smuggler!! -- I asked for a pony. Lady best deliver, I know where she sleeps.

So, I'm just sitting here, acting as a FRIGGIN' INFAMOUS MEMBER ON A PIRATE SHIP!

Imma let the Capt'n know all the folks who might be good for our crew, yaknow? And like, get us a damn pony. Djan, the First Mate here, is keepin track of all the requests folks make, and he says he might have room on their way back for my pony. Frances will get a kick outta this!

First-Mate Onion-Sue out!

Banapis - '53
That pony will be mine.

I found out for the Capt'n why the Smuggler lady is doing all of this for free - which seems like a seriously dumb business plan if you ask me.

Apparently she got cursed! They lost their last ship after they'd taken a request from some priest who they totally swindled (which is a much better business plan if ya ask me - I mean, how many cursing priests can there be in the world? Like, four. Prolly.)

Someone ought to send that cranky curser a thank you card. Or like, a pony. Ponies are the best gifts.

Wochem - '53
Well, the ship's leavin' and even though Capt'n Safine offered to take me along, I know my place is with my own Capt'n Caes and crew. I mean, who else will show 'em the ropes, ya know? Port Natal ain't all tavern tunes and scrubbin' floors - Things get dark fast.

And who knows when them Kingdom braggards will come lookin for their pounds of flesh from the mischief we caused? Prolly best I stay to protect them, the Capt'n needs a proper defender and all.

A defender on her own friggin' pony!

First-Mate Onion-Sue out!

Penned by my hand on the 22nd of Wochem, in the year 53.