Never post without proofreading again.

Date: 1/11/2014 at 17:15
From: The Grimly Grim Grin Lazariss that Grins
To : Silent, Anoira, The Shifting Shadow
Subj: Never post without proofreading again.

Hello Anoira,

I have complete and total confidence in your ability to lose whatever this coming election is within your city, unless of course the stubborn fools take it upon themselves to prove me wrong for the sake of 'screw off, Grin'. In the spirit of advancement and improvement of those that lack the simplest of understandings of political fronts, I shall now critically (and equally as casually as you constructed it in the first place) deconstruct your 'accidental' post for the world to see. Free of charge, no less! Aren't I nice?

Let's begin with your opening statement. You are addressing a city of aggressive elves and trolls who know little more than what fun it is to ruin a happy person's day with general 'evility'. You humbly state that you 'come before them' to 'offer yourself' as their new Praetor, a position of authority and strength, but the words you choose have the impact of a slave begging for an extra scrap of bread off its master's dinner table. Who in the city of the 'Dark Path' is going to vote for someone feeble and weak? As for 'rising through the silence and shadows', I must commend your choice to admit that you have had little of import to do in the past. This proves that you are honest and open to change, and while you exist in a city of backhanded politics, the unwashed masses do love an honest, impressionable leader. Enforce your claim to this position with confident words, something along the lines of, "I am Anoira, previous Mistress of the Ply, Aide to the Iron Talon, masterful loyalist to the Clan Raven and I eagerly await your rightful decision to name me your new Praetor among the Palaver," and 'cut the crap' that you so ineffectively tried to omit from your following paragraphs.

The self-contradicting ramble about how nobody wishes to read a post that rambles is pointless and does little more than to convince your reader that they are wasting their time reading your post. The people that read beyond the first ten words of your post are going to be interested in what you have to say, as you are a potential candidate for one of the highest ranking positions in the city. Also, for someone so eager to earn such a presdigious rank in Sar-Sargoth, the language you spill on that spiel is dreadfully informal. Be professional! As for the content in this second paragraph, you offer the people little more than the most basic, typical promises of any hack-job politician with, again, the humility of a serving girl. "I shall be true, honest, I will serve sensibly, but I have my flaws so please forgive me if I screw up?" Try again, but this time, actually offer some improvements you may make to your 'beloved city'. Nothing gets people interested like proactivity, and coming to a business negotiation with nothing to offer gets you summarily ignored.

Now, on to your self-contradicting paragraph about Marluna. Yes, perhaps she was once a loyal Eledhel, and I have little cause to doubt that she is adored for little more than her beloved personality, and perhaps you are correct in that she thinks of herself before any other (which is, to be entirely honest, typical Moredhel behavior, so you've probably just strengthened her claim to the position), but delving to the level of petty finger-pointing just makes you look more pathetic, not to forget that you have entirely ruined any sort of 'honest' appearance you were trying to go for by humbling yourself before the masses. Your credibility is teetering perilously on the level of a stuttering servant girl that insults her superiors behind closed doors, now. Your post is by no means a 'short' one (which you seem to have tried to promise for the sake of appearing short, sharp and snappy - and failed), and having said you do not 'bash or put people down', the majority of it consists of blunt, two-faced remarks and defamatory claims about these other candidates. If you take any of my advice during your revision of your post, please, just remove this. I haven't seen or heard such a concentrated arsenal of contradictions since Tahni tried preaching about her inability to lie in front of me in the middle of Krondor during Mocker-ousting season.

Perhaps if people skim through your post to read just this last paragraph of yours, you might get away with all the wild nonsense going on in between the beggining and end of your application post. Then, this repetition of your claim to never lie might hold some credibility in their eyes. Alas, Anoira, the people you're trying to coerce into following you aren't stupid, and I'm afraid that everything you've done in writing that post of yours has let them know quite overtly that you -are-, and nobody wants a stupid leader.

My final piece of advice for you in order to regain any sense of dignity or credibility is this. Go see a magician to get your appearance changed, get a new name and let 'Anoira' melt back into the silent shadows never to be heard of again. The damage you've done is irreversible, and maybe if you get a new start, you may one day actually accomplish a foothold in politics.

Yours in service,
-Grin Lazariss

PS: Of course, this is all based on 'human' politics! You're Sar-Sargothian. Maybe you can just kill all the other candidates to win.
PPS: Bloody uncouth savages.

Penned by my hand on the 2nd of Agaeis, in the year 55.