Limited-time Offer

PUBLIC NEWS #5645
Date: 3/5/2014 at 22:56
From: Dr. J. R. Anfini
To : Emperor Ezalor D'baen, the Bloodletter
Subj: Limited-time Offer

Attention, (powerful and wealthy) Sapients!

Does the wear and tear of subjugating the entire continent take
its toll on your faculties?

Do you find yourself mentally weary from managing taxes, edicts,
treaties, and kingly decrees?

Does the burden of omnipotence weigh unfavorably upon your
shoulders?

No more! I, Dr. J. R. Anfini, am writing today to proffer my services as
a most trusted court advisor. Just imagine the leisure afforded to you
as I, your faithful vizier, administrator, manager, councilor, court
wizard, and all-around shoulder angel (or devil!) coordinate the
day-to-day necessities of operating your highly lucrative and grim,
bloodthirsty empire.

For a negligible fee*, you can hire Dr. Anfini to ensure that no
downtrodden proletarian does not strain under the yoke of your rule. Act
now, and for a discounted yearly premium, you can enjoy the benefits of
the Executive Package, ensuring my unfailing loyalty and the safety of
your daughter and/or wife's decency!

Don't wait! This amazing offer is available for a limited time only*!

- JRA




Disclaimer: Dr. Anfini reserves the right to sublease acts of corporal
punishment and warmongering. Offer not valid for persons of Atavian
descent.

* - 15% of the client nation's gross domestic product. Subject to
administrative charges and legal fees.

* - As defined by the current trend of news publications.

Penned by my hand on the 10th of Chakros, in the year 414 MA.